


so it goes.

by ThaliaClio



Series: everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Villains, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Burn it all, But Natasha makes it better, But bring marshmellows, Child Abuse, Dubious Morality, F/M, Kidnapping, Moral Ambiguity, Only they're both bad, Past Child Abuse, Tony gets rid of the goatee in this one, Tony's life is really awful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:01:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThaliaClio/pseuds/ThaliaClio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is the same in some ways. The world is different in more important ways. Tony doesn’t want to save the world. He wants to burn it. </p><p>Alternatively Titled: "S'mores At The End Of The World"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. those things that changed

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse 5".

The world is the same in some ways. Steve Rogers still saves the world. He still gets found by SHIELD 70 years later. Howard Stark still drinks too much. He still crashes and burns with his wife in the car. Tony Stark still goes to MIT at 15, graduates at 17. He still drinks and fucks. He still becomes CEO of Stark Industries at 21. Afghanistan still happens. Iron Man still is created. Obadiah Stane still dies.

The world is different in more important ways. Howard Stark hits Tony when he drinks too much. Tony watches his father crash and burn with his mother in the car. Virginia Potts never becomes Tony Stark’s PA, but she does get hired by a mysterious government agency known as SHIELD. Instead, he hires Natasha Romanov right after she tries to kill him. Nobody finds Tony in Afghanistan because James Rhodes stopped looking after two months instead of three. Nobody knows how Tony makes it back to America. Tony kills Obie and looks him in the eye when he pulls the trigger. He doesn’t regret it. Nobody knows who flies the Iron Man suit, not even SHIELD.

Tony doesn’t want to save the world. He wants to burn it.


	2. diamonds and fools and jobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha takes the job because why not? 
> 
> She takes a new job for the same reasons.

Natasha is sent to kill him because it’s a paycheck.

  
A small nasally man with glasses and a too-expensive suit gives her diamonds to put a bullet in Stark’s brain. The man – _call me Justin, beautiful_ – pays well, she admits.

  
She could just snipe the target, but it’s too much waiting around in one place, too many variables for Natasha’s taste. Also -- money. Stark has quite a sizeable amount. And she has no loyalties to her _employer_.

So she gets the open job as Stark’s PA. It’s supposed to be a permanent position, but everybody treats it as a temp job.  
__

The first time she sees Stark without him knowing she’s watching, she loses a lot of her illusions about the man.

Two weeks as his PA, and she’s never been to his home. He hits on her, leers, invites her back to his place, but never follows through. She followed him home tonight.

The job could’ve been done a dozen times over by now, but she’s still curious. The Stark she’s been working with doesn’t match up to the public face she’s come to know. The man is ruthless in business and brilliant in the lab, two major facets of his personality the press love to ignore because they’re less scandalous than “BILLIONAIRE SEX TAPE” (never mind that the tape was a clearly a poorly made fake).

He's all contradictions and showmanship. He has the air of a magician, and she wants to see the man behind the curtain. 

So.

Curiosity led to her not killing him and then following him home.

_(Her employer had been foolish enough to pay upfront. He was lucky she hadn't just taken the diamonds and run.)_

She is a few hundred yards away, night vision binoculars held to her face as she watches. Stark comes home from a party that began a few hours earlier. About thirty minutes after his return, he steps onto the beach in jogging clothes, not the least bit drunk or high, and simply runs up and down the sand and surf for over an hour. When he finally stops, he strips off all of his clothes, even his socks and underwear, and lays in the sand. The moonlight on his skin is soft and silver, and even through the green tinged lenses, Natasha can see the peace on his face.  
__

“Are you here to kill me?”

“Yes.”

"Do you intend on following through?"

"Not at the moment."

"Fantastic. JARVIS, do not kill Miss Romanov."

_"Yes, sir. Weapons remain activated, however, should your safety be threatened again."_

"Impressive."

"Thank you. And thank you for putting your gun away."

"You know who I am."

"Yes."

"And you let me in anyway."

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Reasons. Now, would you like to work for me or Hammer?"

"Trying to hire me to kill your competition, Mr. Stark?"

"Calling him competition is like calling a goldfish Moby Dick. No, I mean on a permanent basis."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"...alright."


	3. bloody and dirty and everything's not alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets kidnapped. Howard drinks. Fury watches.

“You still think he’s out there.”

“Obviously, _Colonel_ ,” Howard Stark sneers the last word, the alcohol just starting to slur his words and weaken his already tenuous judgment.

“It’s been over thirty years, Stark,” Colonel Nick Fury says. “The odds…”

“Fuck the odds! The odds were never in his favor – that serum was more likely to kill him than to work. But it did.”

Stark’s aged poorly. His hair’s too thin on top, skin too sallow to be healthy. His gut hangs over his belt just a bit – too much alcohol and too little sleep. There’s a faint tremor in his hand, and Fury can’t tell if it’s physical or mental or maybe both, but it doesn’t matter.

Howard Stark has lost his touch.

“Sta-“ Fury’s cut off by the sound of a slamming door.

Both he and Stark jerk their heads around just in time to watch the study door fly open, slamming into the wall with another _bang_.

A child practically flies in. He's a tiny thing, about five or six years old, with wild black hair and pale skin. He's all skinny knees and elbows with huge dark eyes.

Fury blinks.

There's blood on the side of his face, and his knees are skinned and bleeding. Soot coats his hands and head, turning the blood grey and grimy. His shirt is torn and blackened. His huge dark eyes are swimming with tears.

“Daddy?” For somebody who had made so much noise in their entrance, the boy is shockingly quiet.

“T-tony?”

Fury blinks again.

“Y-you didn’t c-come get me,” the boy blinks back tears. “S-so I g-got out all ‘lone.”

Howard falls to his knees, arms outstretched. The boy – Tony – flinches away at first, but visibly forces himself to walk into his father’s embrace.

“Got out of _where_?” Howard is crying. “ _Where were you?_ ”

For his part, Fury is trying to reconcile the perfectly manicured doll of a child he’s seen at public events and magazines with the bloody, sooty, trembling mess of a boy in front of him. Watching the ruthless Howard Stark sobbing on the floor is not helping with his disconnect from reality.

“They took me this morning. It was dark,” Tony’s voice is steadier now, his tiny body strung tight like a wire in his father’s arms. “I-I didn’t make you pay this time, Daddy.”

“Howard,” Fury says gently, reality finally making some semblance of sense. “He’s been kidnapped. We need to get him to the hospital.”

The look in Tony’s eyes is far too intelligent and suspicious for any child, and he doesn’t blink as Fury meets his eyes. Fury dismisses the ripple that goes down his spine as the air-conditioning, but he never forgets that dark stare.

__

Ten years later, Howard is still drunk. Tony is at MIT.

This time there are no hugs.

“Shut up, boy! Do you know what would have happened if the press caught wind of this?”

There's blood on the side of his face, and his knees are skinned and bleeding. Soot coats his hands and head, turning the blood grey and grimy. His shirt is torn and blackened. His huge dark eyes are swimming with anger, not tears.

“Why don’t you _go fuck yourself.”_

The bruises last for two weeks. They fade a few days before the accident.

__

“Tony?”

“…”

“Do you want to give the eulogy?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go to the funeral?”

“No.”

__

Obadiah Stane gives the eulogy. He becomes CEO of SI. Tony goes to the funeral anyway, too sober and too silent. He goes home with James Rhodes, who doesn't manage to keep the alcohol away, but at least prevents alcohol poisoning.


	4. you created me - let me save you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS protects Sir.

JARVIS is still born at 4:19 am on a Tuesday. Tony is 19 and drunk and manic and hasn’t slept in 56 hours.

The first words he hears are _“—please work, **please**. I ca—I don—I **need** this.”_

The first words he says are “Sir, are you alright?”

He will ask this same question more times than he cares to count – _2315 –_ but he will never like the answer.

__

JARVIS learns early on that Sir is angry at himself and the world but mostly himself.

He drinks and creates and fucks and then drinks and creates some more, spinning and spiraling and just waiting and hoping to hit the rocks at the bottom.

JARVIS learns early on that Sir relies on himself and JARVIS but mostly himself.

Friendship and trust are fluid concepts for Sir, but he always trusts JARVIS – always. He made JARVIS sentient, made him real. And JARVIS will spend his very long life trying to repay this debt.

__

JARVIS knows who Natasha Romanov is before she ever comes to Stark Industries. Her record is lengthy but inconclusive -- no assination or other crime has ever been definitively pinned on her. But JARVIS knows. He knows when she is hired to kill Sir, as well. Foolish. They used phones, online banking. When it comes to technology, JARVIS is omniscient, and that means Sir is, too.

_"Sir, there appears to be another assasination attempt in progress."_

"Who're they sending this time?" Sir doesn't look up from his code.

_"A Miss Romanov. I believe she is trying to infiltrate the company, posing as your Personal Assistant."_

"Jenny quit?"

_"Yes, sir. She found the explosions in the basement to be disconcerting, I believe. As for Miss Romanov, however. Shall I deal with her?"_

And he could. He knows exactly which hotel and which room she is in. He has access to every security feed. He knows how to manipulate the stoplights on every corner. One improperly timed green light and Miss Romanov will no longer be a threat.

This time Sir does stop. He scratches at his stubble, thinking. "Pull up everything we have on her."

_"Yes, sir."_

The lab explodes into blue holograms, and Sir wheels and weaves throughout them effortlessly, tapping files and scanning documents. For a few minutes, the only sounds are the screeching guitars of AC/DC.

Then--

"No. No, I want to see what she does."

And this is how JARVIS spares Natasha Romanov's life, and, maybe, saves Tony Stark's.


	5. ask me no questions, recieve no answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is the ocean, and Natasha is the jungle.

“We have to stop looking, Lieutenant Colonel. You know the odds.”

“Tony’s never been one for listening to the odds.”

“We don’t have the resources. We can’t look for a man who’s probably dead already.”

“…I know.”

__

“Tony?!”

“Yeah.”

“We thought you were dead! You were --- the bomb – the…. _Where were you?”_

“Hell.”

“…how’d you get out?”

Tony doesn’t answer, but the look in his eyes makes Rhodey’s blood run cold.

__

Tony reminds Natasha of the ocean. Deep and dark and wild and warm and cold and full of hidden currents and beautiful. When he looks at her she can see hurricanes on the horizon.

Natasha reminds Tony of a jungle. Shadowed and lit and wild and secret and unnavigable and full of hidden paths and beautiful. When she looks at him he can hear the roar of a panther in the distance.

__

Nick Fury has met Tony Stark three times.

The first time he was 6 years old and had just been kidnapped. And then escaped on his own. He and Howard had been discussing business at the manor when a tiny child had burst into the room, all wild hair and elbows and knees. There was blood on his hands and soot on his face.

Howard never even knew that he had been missing.

The second time was at Howard’s funeral. Tony was 16 and sober and sitting alone in the front pew then standing alone at the gravestone. There was a tremor in his hands and tears in his eyes.

The third time was just after Afghanistan. Nobody knew how he’d gotten out, not even SHIELD and SHIELD knew everything.

So Fury goes to personally debrief the 'traumatized' genius.

He's let into the Malibu mansion by an electronic British butler who addresses him by name. He has to fight not to let an eye twitch in irritation. As it was it put him in edge.

He finds Stark on the beach behind the house. In the fading light of a California sunset, the man’s hair looks like it is dancing with flames. He dons a baggy grey sweater, sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and worn out jeans cover his legs, but his feet are bare in the sand. It's September and cold, but the man doesn’t seem to notice.

“What can I do for you, Director Fury?” The man’s voice is quiet but steady. He doesn't turn around.

“Afghanistan.”

“Is none of your concern.”

“I b-“

“Tony,” a quiet voice cuts him off, and Fury’s head whips to behind him.

He blinks.

Standing on the back deck of the billionaire’s home is none other than the infamous Black Widow, Natasha Romanov.

“I’m coming, ‘Tasha,” Stark answers her.

Romanov doesn't acknowledge his presence when Stark brushes past him to get back inside, murmuring, "Go home, Nicky" in his ear, just watching the man walk slowly up the sand.

When Stark's gone, back inside the house, Romanov stays on the deck, staring at Fury. Her eyes, cold and calculating never leave him as he walks away from the beach and the house.

Somehow he doesn’t think he’s getting that debrief.

__

“It was Obadiah.”

“I know.”

“Sentimentality will get you killed.”

“Is that concern I hear?”

“Only for you.”

…

“Do you want me to take care of him?”

“No. I need to do this myself.”

__

“I know it was you.”

“Know what was me? Come on, Tony. Have a—is that a gun? Come now, son. Put that away, and we—“

Nobody hears the gunshot. Nobody ever finds the body. Natasha makes sure of that.

__


	6. those who came along and those who got left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Harold "Happy" Hogan and Virginia (not Pepper) Potts.

The first time Harold Hogan meets Tony Stark is in the back of the dilapidated old gym he used to partially own, before his career ended and the business went under. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, not anymore. His girlfriend is gone and so is the money. The gym is abandoned, foreclosed on, and nobody cares if some squatter sleeps in the back. So that's what Harold does.

He's just coming home from another unsuccessful job hunt when he finds him.

The man is laying spread-eagle on the floor, blood trickling from his mouth and one hand so black and blue the knuckles and fingers all have to be broken. He's giggling almost hysterically, little tear tracks fading into his hairline. He feels vaguely familiar, and Harold wonders if he would recognize the man in another situation

Laying prone around him are three other men, unconscious and bloody. There's a broken chair in one corner and rope burns on the man's wrists.

When Harold takes in the scene, he goes and picks up the man, still feeling recognition niggling at the back of his mind, leaving the other three to rot. There's a free clinic around the block.

He keeps giggling as he lets Harold carry him. "Fuck, am I happy to see you here."

The giggling man with broken knuckles and rope burns ends up being _Tony Stark_ _, kidnapped billionaire_ , and he's taken to a top-notch facility in the wealthy part of New York. Harold never tells anyone that Stark had gotten free on his own, really, but he never says he saved the man either. So far as the public is concerned, Stark was never even kidnapped and had just been on a bender.

When he finally goes to see Stark in the hospital, ducking judgmental eyes and critical stares at his cheap, worn out suit, Stark starts laughing again.

"Heya, Happy."

And this is how Harold Hogan becomes Happy Hogan and gets a job, too.

__

Tony still takes up boxing. Happy Hogan is still his driver/bodyguard/trainer, though the latter two are hardly necessary.

See, before Tony ever boxed, he learned jujutsu and taekwondo and judo and even some muay thai. And he learned to shoot. Well. He designed weapons – among other things – and learned how to use them.

__

Virginia Potts never becomes Pepper Potts. She does work at Stark Industries for three months, though, until:

“Miss Potts?”

“Yes, Mister…?”

“Agent. Agent Coulson of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. I have a job offer for you.”

 


	7. let us be friends and lovers and enemies no longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss Romanov becomes Tasha, and Stark becomes Tony.

Stark becomes Tony two weeks after she decides not to kill him. Or he decides not to kill her. Or both.

He thinks he’s alone in his lab, mostly, at least – JARVIS is always there. JARVIS knows she’s snooping but says nothing, so she assumes it’s alright.

JARVIS is something of a revelation for her. He's entirely sentient, not just a program, and very protective of his maker. For all his politeness and courtesy, Natasha is very much aware that he could kill her. That he almost has already. She doesn't fear him -- she respects him.

Stark is talking to the AI, twisting and pulling holograms one way and then the other. She creeps closer until she can hear the words.

“-ou think she would castrate me if I started calling her Tasha? ‘cause Miss Romanov’s a cool name and all but it’s kind of a mouthful and really formal and Tasha is so much friendlier and I want her to know that I think she’s great but what if she thinks it’s a joke or a come-on but it’s really not and I just think she’s great and I want her to live at the Tower too so what do you think of this design J or is the ballet studio too presumpti-“

She slips away from Tony’s lab as silently as she came.

Tony calls her Tasha that afternoon. She calls him Tony in return. She moves in two days later. The ballet studio is perfect.

__

“The goatee makes you look like a supervillain.”

“Is that an insult or a prediction, Ms. Romanov?”

“Just go shave it, or I will.”

__

The first time he flew Iron Man, it was a hundred degrees outside and he’d just killed a dozen terrorists. He fights back tears.

The second time, JARVIS is talking in his ear and the HUD says it’s a cool 70 degrees. He can’t stop smiling.

The third time, it is a hundred and ten degrees and he kills two dozen terrorists. He laughs until he cries when JARVIS congratulates him.

__

“Iron Man?”

“I didn’t pick the name, Tash.”

“True.”

For a moment there is no sound but their breathing, and the soft rustle of Tony's hair as Tasha runs delicate fingers through it for the first time in months. Then:

“Are terrorists your only targets?”

“What else did you have in mind?”

__

Iron Man isn’t a hero. At first the public adored him, killer of evil terrorists. But then other people started dying. Politicians, ambassadors, presidents, dictators, CEOs. And suddenly he’s a villain. Nobody ever looked into his motivations.

__

_“This marks Iron Man’s sixth kill non-related to terrorist activity.”_

_“The UN recently released an official statement denouncing Iron Man…”_

_“Iron Man has been photographed with what appears to be a woman during one of his attacks. A partner perhaps?”_

“Hear that ‘Tasha? You only _appear_ to be a woman. Maybe I should make that cat suit a little bit tighter.”

Tony laughs when Tasha throws a knife at him, just grazing his hair.

He’s still laughing when she kisses him hard enough to bruise.


	8. one hand full of matches, the other full of gasoline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a new world and the end of this story.

When Steve wakes up, they tell him the world has changed. They tell him that they won the war.

A few days later they tell him the war never ended, not really.

A week later the Chitari come.

__

This is the Avengers: Captain America, the Hulk, Thor, and Hawkeye.

Clint never saves Natasha in Budapest, so there is no Black Widow, not on the Avengers. Tony never goes public, and he’s not a hero, so there is no Iron Man, not on the Avengers.

__

Loki still comes to Earth. Agent Coulson still gets stabbed. The possessed Hawkeye’s arrows malfunction, and the Helicarrier survives. He gets his brain “recalibrated” by a strong backhand from the good Captain.

The Chitari still come, still bring war. And the Earth is _losing_. A super soldier, a failed super soldier, a demi-god, and an archer aren’t enough to stop an army.

Then Iron Man comes, Black Widow at his side. His armor is burnished steel, not red and gold. Her cat suit is metallic and shimmering, something indestructible and beautiful. They both are.

__

Loki still tries to use the staff on Stark. He means to possess the man in the silver armor. It does not work as he intends it to.

__

“Oh, little god, do you know what you’ve done?”

And all Natasha can do is laugh when Tony throws the god off a building.

__

The war is over. Loki lost, but the Avengers did not win.

Tony and Natasha did.

__

The Tesseract is truth, Dr. Selvig once said. And Tony, he can see _everything_ now. He knows who the monsters really are now, and none of them hide under beds.

Tony wanted to watch the world burn before.

Now he has one hand full of matches and the other full of gasoline.

__

Loki never gets sent back to Asgard. Whatever Tony did to him when he threw him from Stark Tower, he is no longer a god, no longer immortal. He is but a man, mad with grief and pain and memories of a void so deep and dark it never ended. Tony knows he’s not one of the monsters, but the _things_ that made him are. Loki is a wounded animal, bleeding too heavily to live, too stubborn to die. Natasha puts him out of his misery with a single bullet while he looks Tony in the eyes.

The necessity outweighs the pity, and Tony doesn’t regret this either.

__

Natasha still closes the portal, but this time when Tony bombs space, he doesn’t get trapped on the other side. She doesn’t wait for an order from Captain America, only watches Iron Man fly up and then fly down, closing the portal as soon as the explosions begin.

Over the comm line – because she and Tony were curious about the ragtag group of heroes and boosted their signal – she hears an awed voice say: 

“ _Did we just win?”_

"No, Captain," she hears _Iron Man_ 's metallic voice over the line. "We did."

__

When Tony lands next to her, he raises his faceplate and she look him in the eye. The irises are still brown, but the pupils are electric blue, shining as bright as the arc reactor. He is smiling, fierce and wolfish through the sweat on his face.

Natasha smiles back, just as predatory, and pulls him down for a kiss. The stubble on his cheeks is rough on her palm, and she tastes blood when they bite at each others' mouths. She can feel the electricity thrumming beneath his skin, beneath her skin, and suddenly she _understands._

Laughing, breathless and thrilled, she asks, “What now?”

Tony strokes her hair, tangled and covered in blood that's not her own, and says "We burn it."

She pulls him down again and this kiss is no less violent and no less sweet.

“Can we make s’mores?”

And Tony just laughs.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the end. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I appreciate your support. 
> 
> Review and let me know what you thought.


End file.
